1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
My liver just had a heart attack.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
