Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
