I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
