he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
