Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
