I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
