So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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