Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
