You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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