Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
we're chasing vodka with high fives
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
