i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
