I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
