check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
