Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
