laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
