Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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