hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
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