yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
