i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
