i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
