Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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