imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
