i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
