You really coming over, don't trick.
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
