Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I smell like Dick and happiness
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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