Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize