Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
PANTIES FOUND
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