Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize