boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
