Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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