Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
