I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize