why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
