oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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