I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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