Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
