the new term for farting is butt boxing.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
