I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
