So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize