i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
