he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
i think i just lost a toe
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
