called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
