im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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