You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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