You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
