its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
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