i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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