ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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