I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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