you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
