now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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