So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
