I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
