Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
