Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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