Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Are we still banned from the library?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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