I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
