hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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