By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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