By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
