i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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