If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
