There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
