hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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