i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize